Memories

I have so many memories flooding my brain these days. Some are from Christmas seasons when I was growing up. Like how on Christmas Eve, we would go to my grandma's and have dinner (always sloppy joes and chips) and exchange gifts with everyone there. Then we would go home, mom and dad would spend hours in the kitchen making pies, cakes, candies, dressing, and anything else they could come up with while I watched "A Christmas Carol" in the living room, enjoying the reasonably quiet atmosphere. It was always deceivingly calm.

Other memories are of mine and Tim's first Christmas' together. We had so little, yet somehow still managed to make those years special. Our second Christmas after we were married was especially difficult. Buddy was only 4 months old. We were only able to afford to buy him one gift! I bought Tim a coffee mug with candy in it. Tim bought me a coffee maker with an espresso maker. I remember crying because there was no way we could afford it, yet he thought of the perfect gift for me, and made it work. He woke me up very early with Michael W. Smith's Christmas album. I got up, got the baby, and went into the living room. We laid on the floor next to the tree and just enjoyed being together, our little family. It is a precious memory.

Other memories aren't of Christmas at all. They are of my Jr. High days. Why are these memories flooding me? Because I had the opportunity today to spend some time with one of my best friends from that time of my life. We spent countless nights at each others houses laughing, playing games, listening to music, and arguing over who was cuter: Joey or Danny (New Kids on the Block)! We had so much fun together. One of my biggest regrets is not keeping that friendship alive once we hit high school. But we have recently revived that old friendship, and I am so very happy about that. We haven't changed much over the years. She said it best: We are stronger and more responsible, but basically the same person. While a lot of things about me have changed, she's right about my basic beliefs, which have not changed.

So here's to memories, both the old and the new ones that have not yet occurred.

Growing Up

I hated the whole social aspect of growing up. I am reminded of that every time I watch my kids struggle with that very thing. My oldest is a very laid back, easy-go-lucky kind of kid, but he is lacking in confidence. My daughter is full of confidence, but it is fragile. Any hint of negativity and she is sent into a tailspin. My youngest has not these issues...Yet.

I understand my daughter better than most. I had a difficult time keeping friends while I was growing up. I think I tried too hard, or something like that. Then, I didn't try at all. It seems the friends that stuck were the ones just like me. We were the girls who could go the entire lunch hour without uttering a sound, or we were the loudest in the cafeteria! We didn't spend much time together outside of school. We can now go years without talking, but not feel like any time has passed the next time we talk. Now that I'm an adult, my friendships seem to stick better, but they are still of the nature that we don't talk or hang out much outside of church or church related activities.

My daughter is in her fragile state right now. She questions her friendships, even ones that are nearly as old as she is! She worries they don't want to be her friends any more. There are other girls who, unfortunately, and unknowingly, feed this fragility. My normally confident little girl is reduced to tears and worry. I hate that for her! I hate that this is a part of life, a part of being a girl, a part of growing up. I wish there was an easier way for her to learn that people come and go in our lives, according to the purpose they are supposed to fulfill. Sometimes, friendships fade away. And that is okay. I wish she could learn it in a way that didn't hurt her. I want to protect her from pain. I can't. It's what will make her strong; and, ultimately, a better person.